New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
