dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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