if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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