I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
