smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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