It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
