I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
