I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
