I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
