Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
