Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
