when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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