Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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