the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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