i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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