I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
