I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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