Your face is a jimmy john
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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