You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
