it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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