I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
