I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
