I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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