Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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