Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
