Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm getting married
To pizza
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
