I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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