Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
