I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My bed smells like the plague
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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