And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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