so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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