I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
