I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
