I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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