Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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