That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
