it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
