every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
