I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
