i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize