Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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