I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
