Pappa wants mamma naked
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
