I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
