and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize