32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
