We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
