Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
