Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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