Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you mean i was at the winter classic?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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