Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
