at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
