She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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