I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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