You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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