capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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