The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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