So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
