Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize