no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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