Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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