did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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