Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
