so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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